


maybe you're my medicine

by swarkler



Category: Atypical (TV 2017)
Genre: F/F, as always i'm a whore for angst with happy ending, i promise there will be several cute moments too, there will be descriptions of domestic abuse but nothing too graphic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2019-11-29
Packaged: 2021-01-24 12:36:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21338350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swarkler/pseuds/swarkler
Summary: They've been together for a few months now and Izzie has been trying really hard to be the girlfriend Casey deserves, but things at home have been making her life hell and she doesn't want to add any drama to Casey's insane training routine.====My take on Season 4, mostly focused on Cazzie's relationship and Izzie's home life. Lots of fluff, lots of angst, a promposal may or may not be involved.
Relationships: Casey Gardner & Izzie, Casey Gardner/Izzie, also casey and izzie's siblings are cuuute, i will sprinkle on some izzie/sam brotp whenever i can
Comments: 102
Kudos: 915





	1. one

As usual, it's 6 a.m. sharp when Casey gets to the Clayton locker room, changing into her uniform so she can be ready for her morning run. The sun isn't up yet and everything feels eerily quiet, but she figures it's just because Izzie isn't here this time. They usually do morning practice together, but she texted last night saying her baby sister had the flu and she probably wouldn't be able to come. 

It's not an unusual thing to happen: Izzie often has to cancel their plans because of her siblings. Casey gets it - of course she does - but she still thinks it's unfair. Izzie is 16. She shouldn't have so much responsibility on her shoulders. 

They've been together for a few months now and it's been… crazy. Good crazy, mostly. Casey will never get used to the way everything feels so much more intense with Izzie than it has been with anyone else. When they're good, she's extasic. When they're not good, she's devastated. When they kiss…  _ damn _ . 

Casey thought maybe that would wear off with time, but so far when their lips touch she still feels every bit as exhilarated as she did on their very first kiss. It's dangerously addicting, but they have established a good system: locker room make out sessions are only allowed if they're  _ both _ making progress on their times. Needless to say, they're running faster than ever. Coach Crowley is super impressed. 

As for the fighting, it's been better than expected. They've only had a couple of big fights, and they were able to keep their problems completely separate from their track performance both times. Casey can tell Izzie is trying, and she's trying  _ really  _ hard, but she still lashes out every once in a while, especially when things at home are particularly terrible. It's strange because Casey is so used to being the explosive one, but Izzie brings out a different side of her. A calmer, level-headed side that she really likes. 

And Evan… is great, actually. They didn't talk much for the first month or so, but now they've become good friends. He's recently started dating a girl from his EMT program and Casey thinks she's awesome. Izzie was  _ really _ insecure about their friendship at first - hence big fight number one - but she gets it now. They even went on a double date once and it was  _ almost _ not awkward. 

Overall: Casey is in love. It's not easy and it's certainly not flawless but it still feels perfect and she's in love. She hasn't said it to Izzie yet - these things aren't easy for her to say - but she will. Soon. Also, it's not like Izzie has said it to her either. 

( _ Is it selfish that she kinda hoped Izzie would say it first? Maybe). _

So now, as Casey walks to the dark tracks by herself, her life has at last returned to some sort of normalcy. No love triangles, no secret feelings, no drama. Even her parents have managed to get their shit together, somehow. Finally, there are no worries and Casey can run with her head free.

But something still feels off this morning.

The track is poorly lit so she doesn't really notice anything at first, but as she takes her first strides towards the starting point she watches as the bleachers light up in a flash, revealing all of her teammates standing eagerly, every single pair of eyes completely focused on her. She's sure this must be another hellish nightmare in which she forgot to wear pants to school until she realizes they're all holding… are those heart shaped balloons? 

As she comes closer to the bleachers, she sees Izzie at the highest step. She's in full Clayton Prep track uniform, with a gigantic grin on her lips and a megaphone in her hands. Behind her, there's a large paper sign says "Hey Newton, you're the most a-TRACK-tive girl in this school. Will you go to prom with me?". 

"You didn't!" Casey screams right at her, unsure if she wants to kiss her or choke her. Probably both.

"I certainly did." Izzie laughs on her megaphone as she walks down to Casey's level. "So, what's it gonna be, Case? Want to be my date to prom?"

Casey rolls her eyes  _ hard _ , but her dumb smile betrays her. She races up the bleacher steps, meeting Izzie right in the middle. Casey cups her girlfriend's cheeks with both her hands and squeezes tightly. God, she's beautiful. How can someone manage to look this good while wearing a ratty old track uniform? 

"Of course, you asshole." She replies promptly, pulling Izzie in for a quick kiss that has the crowd cheering. They let go of their balloons, letting the large red hearts slowly fade into the still mostly dark sky. 

"I can't believe you did this." Casey whispers, arms wrapped around Izzie's waste. "This might be the cheesiest thing anyone has ever done for me. Ever. And I'm Elsa Gardner's daughter, for God's sake."

"Well, that's a record I'll hold with pride." She starts out confidently, but her self-assurance quickly dies down, her tone lowers to a whisper and she gives Casey that vulnerable look that never fails to get to her. "Do you hate it?"

"I do." Casey jokes, watching as Izzie's face falls for a fraction of a second before finishing her sentence. "But I also love it."

(She almost says  _ love you _ , but she stops herself). 

"Okay, good." Izzie looks so genuinely relieved Casey feels bad for messing around with her in the first place. "I know you don't usually like big public things but… this is our first school dance together and I wanted to do something special for you, you know?" 

Casey runs her hand up and down her girlfriend's waist reassuringly. "Relax, Iz, I love it. You even managed to come up with the worst track pun I've ever heard, it's perfect." 

"Yeah, I can't take credit for that one." Izzie smiles sheepishly. "I might have texted Zahid for help."

"Out of all the people in the planet you texted  _ Zahid _ for advice?" 

Izzie bites her lip. "I might have texted your brother first, but he directed me straight to Zahid."

" _ My brother _ and then Zahid?! God, woman, you really are a lost cause."

They laugh together, so focused on each other Casey almost forgets they're still surrounded by their entire track team.

"C'mon guys, come pose for a picture." Coach Crowley beckons at them, her phone already in hand and tilted into landscape mode. 

"Coach Crowley! You're here too?" Casey asks incredulously. Who else did Izzie invite? Her mom?

(God she better not have invited her mom).

"Of course! Wouldn't miss it." The coach smiles, gesturing for them to move so they'll fit into the camera's frame. The two of them pose for the photo, Casey with her arm around Izzie's shoulders, Izzie with her arm around Casey's waist, just like they always do. Never in her life had Casey imagined she'd be posing for a goddamn  _ promposal  _ picture in the middle of the track nonetheless, but she's here it and she's got her girl right beside her and their friends all around them... it feels good. Really good. 

"There! That's perfect." Coach Crowley comes closer, turning her phone around to show them the picture. Casey gladly notes that she made  _ sure _ Izzie's ridiculous sign appeared in full, as it should. 

"You know, when I first heard that you two were… a thing, I was worried it would damage your performance, especially with Casey's new intensive training program, but you girls proved me wrong. Ever since you two got together your results just keep improving. I like to think that's at least partly my doing, but you girls really should be proud of yourselves. You make each other better. Never let that change. But also…" Suddenly, she's whispering. "Tone it down with the locker room shenanigans.  _ Please _ ." 

_ (Holy shit). _

Casey tries her best to act cool, taking Izzie's megaphone from her hand and sprinting back down to the track as she speaks. "Hey guys, how about we go for that run now, huh?"

. . . 

When Casey gets home later that day, Elsa greets her with an overexcited hug that can only mean she already knows about this morning's events. 

"So… how was school, honey?" She pretends to be oblivious, but as always Elsa is awful at being chill. "Anything interesting happen today?"

"Nope, nothing at all." Casey replies blankly. "Just another shining day of learning."

Elsa sighs. It's amazing that after knowing Casey for sixteen years she's still surprised by this type of answer. "C'mon, Case, I saw the picture on Izzie's Instagram, you two look  _ so _ cute. And that sign? Adorable."

Casey finds herself blushing instantly and suddenly she feels the urge to run up to her room before Elsa notices. Her mother absolutely  _ cannot _ know that she liked that cheesy sign or else she'll come up with a new embarassing pun for every track meet for the rest of Casey's life. She'll never live that down. 

(Still, she stays. Maybe because part of her might actually  _ want _ to tell her mother about the dumb promposal. Maybe).

"Yeah..." She mumbles. "It was really silly but... I don't know. Like, if you had told me about it before it happened, I'd definitely think I would hate it. But I didn't. Not at all."

For the first time in probably ever, Elsa doesn't say anything, she just stares at Casey with the most  _ embarrassing  _ look that somehow manages to be worse than her talking. 

"What?" Casey asks, even though she knows she's gonna regret it. 

"Nothing..." Elsa starts, her tone already making it clear that it's definitely not  _ nothing _ . "I'm just loving this, is all. You were always  _ too cool  _ for all that romantic stuff, but then Izzie showed up and… here you are.  _ Blushing _ , even. That girl really has you wrapped around her finger, doesn't she?"

"She does not!" Casey bites back, but it doesn't even sound convincing to herself.

"It's okay, honey, we've  _ all _ been there, trust me." Her mother smiles. "Young love can be beautiful and exciting and yeah, really cheesy sometimes. I'm happy to see you opening up to the dumb stuff. You deserve it. And also, Izzie is a delight. Where is she, anyway? Doesn't she usually come over on Wednesdays?"

Casey shrugs. "Not today, she said she already had plans."

Izzie didn't happen to mention exactly what those plans were, and Casey did not ask even though she was  _ very _ curious. She doesn't want to be the nosey girlfriend. 

(But it's still weird that Izzie didn't just tell her, right?).

"Oh, that's a bummer." Elsa looks visibly disappointed. "I was looking forward to hearing her side of the story."

"How come you love her so much, anyway?" Casey asks, genuinely curious. Elsa always seemed to like Evan, but with Izzie it's like she's her literal adoptive daughter. Sometimes, while Casey is busy studying, Izzie comes down to the living room and she and Elsa watch The Bachelor together. It's weird.

(And also, you know, kinda cute. But that's beside the point).

"Honestly, honey? I think it's because she reminds me a lot of myself when I was her age."

Casey definitely did  _ not _ want to hear that.

"Okay, ew!" The mere thought of it is enough to make her want to vomit. "Please don't ever compare my girlfriend to yourself ever again. Gross."

Elsa laughs, clearly not surprised at her daughter's reaction. "I didn't mean it like that! She's just a good kid stuck in a not so good environment, just like I was. It's hard."

"Oh." Casey had never really thought about it that way. She knows that her grandmother didn't like her father and that's why she never visits, but she never thought that there could be more to that story. "That… that makes sense."

"But don't worry, honey. No matter how much I may like Izzie, if she ever breaks your heart I promise you I'll hate her guts."

Casey laughs. "Thanks mom, I appreciate it, but we're good."

She's about to go up the stairs to her room when she hears the doorbell ring. She's not really expecting any visitors, so she shouts so that her brother can hear it from his room. "Hey Sam, there's someone at the door. Is it for you?"

"Yes!" He screams back. "Can you open it? I'm not ready yet."

Casey does as told, expecting to see either Zahid or Paige, but instead is surprised to see her own girlfriend standing at the Gardner doorway, looking beautiful as ever. Casey immediately worries. Of course she's happy to see Izzie, but when she shows up unannounced like this it's usually a sign that something's wrong. 

"Hey babe." Izzie smiles, planting a quick peck to Casey's lips. "What's up?"

"Hey...Is everything okay?" Casey asks, confused. "I thought you had other plans or something."

"I do." She replies curtly, and Casey can tell by the slightly teasing look on Izzie's face that she's messing with her. 

She's about to ask what's going on, but Sam quickly comes down the stairs and interrupts her train of thought. 

"Hi Izzie, you're early." He states matter-of-factly. 

"Yeah, I know." She nods. "Just wanted some time to say hi to the girlfriend before we leave."

Casey still does  _ not  _ understand. "We? Leave? Where are you going?"

"To the aquarium." Sam is the one who answers. "They're opening up a new habitat that's focused on reptiles so I asked Izzie if she wanted to come."

"And I said yes." Izzie adds. "Reptiles are my favorite. I've wanted a pet lizard ever since I was like 5." 

"Why didn't you say anything about it to me at school?"

Izzie gives her that stupid sheepish guilty grin that never fails to make Casey forget about why she was mad at her in the first place. "I was under strict orders not to invite you."

"What?" She turns to Sam incredulously. "Why?"

"Why would I invite you? You don't even like reptiles and you'd just be hanging around making stupid jokes all day."

(Well, he does have a point there, doesn't he?)

"I can't believe my girlfriend is ditching me to hang out with my brother. This is treason, Isabel. Deep, deep treason."

Izzie chuckles. "Don't be dramatic, babe, we were together at school like all day." 

"Can you at least come over after? You still owe me a Mario Kart rematch."

Something in her girlfriend's face changes and Casey instantly knows what she's about to say. 

"I can't tonight Case, I have to go home straight from the aquarium... the kids need me. But hey, I promise I'll humiliate you on Mario Kart again tomorrow, okay?"

"I understand." Casey is not usually a very needy person, but her girlfriend gave her a super cute surprise this morning and they haven't had a single moment alone since so right now she  _ really _ wants some Izzie time. "Would it be okay if I came over to your place? I could bring the game with me, we could even let the kids play."

As always, Izzie's gaze drifts away from Casey's on the exact moment she mentions going to her house. She keeps her eyes on the floor, as if she were embarrassed of something. "I'm sorry, Casey, but I don't think that's a good idea."

They've been together for  _ months _ now and Casey has never gone further than Izzie's front door. She gets that Izzie's family is complicated, but so is hers and Izzie seems  _ very _ close to them. She wants to get that chance, too.

"C'mon, Iz, I wanna meet your family. I can pretend to be just a friend if that's the issue."

Izzie winces, her jaw tightens and for a second it seems like she's about to cry but instead she grabs both of Casey's hands and brings them close to her chest. "I know, Case, and I'll make it happen, okay? Just… not today.  _ Please _ ."

"Of course." She looks so hurt that Casey doesn't even consider arguing back, pulling her girlfriend in for a tight hug and pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Whenever you want, no worries."

"Thank you." Izzie looks up to give Casey a slightly deeper kiss this time, and soon they hear Sam coughing loudly. 

"Can we please go now?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one was pure fluff but don't be fooled: the real story starts with izzie's pov next chapter. hope you guys enjoyed it! as always, leave a comment or hit me up on @ oswinyoswaldy on tumblr/twitter if you have any thoughts you'd like to share


	2. two

Izzie's house is not too far from the aquarium, so she decides to go for a night run. She knows she's being selfish by not taking the bus and getting there early, but she needs the time to clear her head before she steps back into that hellhole she gets to call a home. 

Things are bad right now. Really bad. Izzie barely remembers a time in which they were good, and they certainly have been  _ worse _ , but the past couple of months or so have been below average, and it's all thanks to Gavin. Stupid, ugly, smelly junkie Gavin. 

It's a mystery to Izzie how her mother even manages to find such garbage boyfriends, but the woman clearly has talent. She's pretty much used to it by now - and luckily they usually never last too long anyway - but  _ Gavin _ has recently moved into their house and he's been treating Izzie like she's his house maid. It's driving her crazy. 

And then, there's Casey. Sweet, wonderful Casey who is pretty much the only reason why Izzie made it this long without falling apart completely. She's been insisting on meeting Izzie's family lately and even though Izzie knew this moment would come eventually, it couldn't have come at a worse time. 

Poor Casey, she means well, but there are so many things she just doesn't know. Izzie wishes she could tell her - she almost did so many times - but she can't. Things would probably change if Casey knew just how fucked up her family really is, and Izzie is just not ready to deal with that, not now. 

(Maybe never).

When Izzie finally reaches her doorway, she briefly flirts with the idea of turning around and just keep going. Swing by Casey's place and take her somewhere far, far away and never look back again. Eventually, however, she hears Charlie's faint crying from upstairs and she's reminded of why that can't happen. The kids need her. She knows she doesn't deserve to be stuck in that place, but neither do them. 

She tries to be as silent as possible as she comes in, walking at the very tip of her toes so that maybe no one will notice she's arrived. It's useless, though, because Gavin's wide awake, sprawled over their couch while watching a football game. Izzie tries to ignore him, heading directly to the stairs without turning around, but he doesn't let her go that easily. 

"What, no hi or anything? Didn't your mother teach you any manners?"

What is it that Sam recites when he's overwhelmed? Adélie, Chinstrap, Emperor, Gentoo. She repeats the words over and over in her head like a mantra, trying to keep herself from exploding. "Hi, Gavin."

"I'm hungry." He adds, looking at her expectantly. "Have you got any food with you?"

"Didn't mom make something already?"

He gives her a pointed look. "Your mother is in her room, she's not feeling well."

( _ Not feeling well _ , as always, is just code for  _ passed out _ ).

"Right. I'll go upstairs to check on the kids and then I'll heat something up."

"Alright, but do it quickly, I gotta head out soon." He grabs a can of beer from the container near his feet and turns his attention back to the TV. "And none of that lean meat athlete stuff you've been eating, please. Tastes like garbage."

Adélie, Chinstrap, Emperor, Gentoo. 

Izzie digs her nails hard into her palms, takes a deep breath and replies. "Okay, no problem."

She makes her way to their room quickly, happy to notice that the baby's crying seems to have stopped completely. She walks in to find Billy sitting on her bed with his back pressed to the wall and a sleeping Charlie on his lap. He's so focused on whatever game he's playing on his phone that he doesn't even hear Izzie coming in.

"What's up, nerd." She greets him. "Where's Angie?"

"Taking a shower, I think." He shrugs. "Can you take Charlie next? She kinda stinks."

"Sure, I just have to go downstairs and get Gavin something to eat first. Are you guys hungry?" 

"Angie and I ate some of the sandwiches you left on the fridge. I gave Charlie a bottle when I got home from school but she'll probably need some real food soon. Oh, and I think mom might have given her some cereal? I'm not sure."

Izzie feels her rage bubbling up again. Adrianna, at this point, cannot be trusted even to feed her own infant. Honestly, it's kind of a miracle that Charlie was born healthy in the first place.

She tries to calm herself down by changing the subject. "How about your math test, that was today, right? How did you do?"

"Do you even have to ask?" He smirks confidently. "Aced it."

"Nerd." Izzie rolls her eyes at him, but her heart fills with pride. Billy is smart, like,  _ really _ smart, and she knows that kid is going places. Maybe he'll discover a new major law of physics, maybe he'll invent the next generation of computers, she's not sure, but it's going to be big. Thinking about that is one of the few things that give her hope in her otherwise bleak home. "How about Angie, did you help her out with her homework?"

"Yep." He nods. "We learned how to spell the word  _ necessary _ today. She had some trouble with the s's and c's at first but we got there eventually." 

"You're a lifesaver, you know that?" She breathes out. Izzie teases her brother a lot but when push comes to shove he's her biggest ally in that house and also kinda her best friend in the world. 

(Which is super lame, but who cares). 

"I do." He replies, cocky as always. "Since you're feeling thankful… can you sew up my running shorts? I think I tore them at school today."

"Of course." Sewing up Billy's gross running shorts sounds like a nightmare activity, but he deserves it today so she doesn't even complain. 

"Izzie's home!" Angie screams excitedly as she steps into their room, already wearing her  _ Frozen  _ themed pajamas. She runs straight towards Izzie and wraps her little arms around her sister in the tightest hug she can muster. "I missed you."

(Angie is just  _ too  _ cute sometimes).

"I missed you too." She scratches her little sister's head. "Did you wash your hair right, just like I taught you?"

"Yes I did!" Angie replies promptly. "Will you brush it for me, Izzie? Please?"

Brushing Angie's hair is one of her Izzie's favorite chores, but tonight she's already got too much on her plate. "I'm kinda busy sweetheart, can't Billy do it?"

Her little face scrunches up almost immediately. "Billy is really bad at it! He pulls too hard, it hurts!"

"Okay, okay, I'll do it." Izzie gives in. She always does. "But you'll have to wait for me for a while, okay?"

"Yay!" Angie nods, grabbing one of her books from the floor and taking it with her to bed. "I'll read about dragons while you're gone." 

"Perfect."

Before heading back downstairs, Izzie quickly run her to-do list for the night to make sure she's not forgetting anything.

Feed the adult baby.

Feed the actual baby. 

Brush Angie's hair. 

Give Charlie a bath. 

Sew up Billy's disgusting shorts. 

Put Charlie to sleep. 

Work on her History presentation.

( _ Shit _ . She hadn't thought of the History presentation).

It's gonna be another long, long night for Izzie. Seems like lately they've been getting longer and longer. 

. . .

It's nearly 1 a.m. when Izzie finally gets to go to bed, feeling both physically and emotionally drained. The kids are fed and asleep, Gavin's gone to wherever it is he goes on Wednesday nights, Billy's shorts are good as new and her History presentation… should be enough to get her a B, at least. She'll get at most four incredible hours of sleep before her alarm wakes her up to go to early track practice. Great. 

She doesn't  _ have _ to go to early track practice, technically. Izzie  _ loves _ track, but all of this extra training is more for Casey's benefit than for her own.  _ Casey _ is the one UCLA is watching for this year. Sure, extra practice can only improve Izzie's chances at being noticed as well, but that might not even happen. Lately the main reason she's still showing up is to make sure Casey (literally) stays on track. Izzie wants to see her girlfriend succeed so badly, she'd do anything to help. 

(Even if Casey's success means that Izzie might lose her).

Izzie is trying, she is trying  _ hard _ , but things have home have been making it difficult to be a supportive girlfriend. Or any sort of girlfriend, really. The problem isn't just that Gavin himself demands time, but also that since Adrianna started dating Gavin she's been more MIA than usual. She isn't even feeding  _ Charlie _ properly anymore, and Charlie is like the only kid she still cares about sometimes. And, of course, the more Adrianna disappears, the less time Izzie has for herself. And for school. And for practice. And for Casey. 

She's about to text Casey to let her know she's not coming to practice tomorrow morning, but when she grabs her phone she realizes there's already a text from her girlfriend waiting for her. 

_ missed you today : ( _

And, just like that, Izzie wants to cry. Hanging out with Sam this afternoon was fun, but she misses Casey too, a lot more than she realizes. They barely see each other outside school or practice lately, and Izzie knows that's on her. She's been cancelling most of their plans, and it's partly because she feels so  _ drained _ all the time but it's also because maybe she's avoiding Casey a little bit. 

She's afraid that if she spends too much time alone with Casey, she'll crack. That all of the hurt and the stress of the past months will just burst right out of her in a stream of tears and she'll end up forcing Casey to take care of her yet again. When Casey decided to take on the UCLA intensive program, Izzie made a promise to herself: she would not let Casey get caught up in her drama again. Casey has enough on her plate and Izzie won't allow herself to become a distraction. 

So Izzie doesn't cry. No matter how much she wants to. She's survived her family for 16 years without ever needing a Casey Gardner and there's no reason why that should change now. She can handle it all on her own. 

She's pulled away from her thoughts as the bed's top bunk starts to shake, and in a matter of seconds she sees a distraught looking Billy coming down from his own bed and sitting on the edge of hers. 

"Nightmare, again?" 

"Yeah." Billy nods, embarrassed. He's at that stage of pre-adolescence in which he thinks he needs to act like a grown-up all the time, but he's still a kid. Izzie scooches over to the side, patting the mattress so he can come lie down next to her. 

He sleeps on her bed every now and then, and sometimes Izzie thinks Billy does it for her benefit as well as his own. The other kids are too little to understand how messed up their life really is and Izzie wants them to stay that way for as long as possible, but it's too late for Billy. It's heartbreaking, but it's also a bit of a relief for Izzie. Makes her feel like she's not completely alone in the world. 

"So..." He starts as soon as he's settled into her pillow. "I heard you  _ promposed _ today. What was that about?"

"What?" Izzie feels her own heartbeat picking up fast as the fear spreads through her veins. "How do you know about that?"

"I follow you on Instagram, remember?" He smirks. "Don't worry, no one else knows. Just me."

Right. Her Instagram. Izzie really needs to be more careful with that. 

"Please don't say anything to mom. Please." She knows he won't, but she feels the need to say it anyway. Just to make sure. 

"Of course I won't." He props himself up on his elbow, holding himself up so he can watch her intently. He's already taken off his glasses, and without them he manages to look even younger. There's still a faint scar on his head, a crooked line that starts on his left eyebrow, rides up to the top of his forehead and disappears into his disheveled hair. She makes a conscious effort not to look at it for too long. Every time she does, it makes her blood boil. 

"So..." She's not sure of what to say. She's played this moment in her head over and over again but now that it's here she just can't find the words. "Are you cool? I mean… with the whole…?"

" _ Gay _ thing?" Billy says it so nonchalantly, like it means nothing at all. Izzie hopes one day she'll be as indifferent to that word as he is, but she can't see it happening anytime soon. "It's 2019, Izzie, only lame kids hate gays. Besides, I totally get it, your girlfriend is really hot."

"God, you're gross." She elbows him hard on the ribs, grabbing the pillow from underneath his head and wrapping it around her head to shelter her ears. "You ever talk about her like that again and you're homeless."

Billy has the audacity to laugh at her. "So I'm guessing you really like her, huh?"

Izzie now places the pillow on top of her own face, hiding so he won't see her blushing. "Yeah, I do."

"Cool, I'm happy for you." He breathes out timidly, and she gets the feeling that a big "but" is about to come next. Billy is silent for a few moments and Izzie is almost sure that they're done talking about it when he speaks again. "I guess she's the reason why you haven't been around as much anymore."

And there it is.

The gut punch. 

Izzie can't say it was unexpected. Juggling her family and her relationship has been hard and it feels like no one is really satisfied, least of all Izzie. She hasn't been spending nearly as much time with her girlfriend as she'd like to, but whenever she does spend time with Casey it means that Billy is the one who has to hold things together until she gets back. Billy, her 12 year old brother who hasn't even started 8th grade, is left with all of Izzie's responsibilities. 

(She's acting just like her mother. Yet again).

She throws the pillow away from her face so she can meet his gaze and is surprised to see that he doesn't look angry, even though he has the right to be. If Izzie were in his place, she'd probably be furious. Still, Billy has always been the best out of all of them. 

"I get it, Iz. You're 16 now and you want to spend time making out or whatever, but maybe you could do it here sometimes? Like, mom's probably not even gonna notice. And, uh… Angie misses you. Charlie, too. She keeps calling for Zeezee."

Billy doesn't say that  _ he _ misses her, but the look in his eyes gets the message across right and clear. Izzie feels awful. Casey wants to meet her family and apparently her family wants to meet Casey but she's not sure if she's ready for her two worlds to merge together. She's afraid that everything will change once they do. That maybe Casey won't see her the same way. That Casey will pity her. That her mom or  _ stupid Gavin _ will find out about them and do something bad, something that drives Casey away. 

Izzie's eyes flash to the other side of the room, where she sees Angie sleeping comfortably on her bed, her tiny arms tightly wrapped around the stuffed dragon they got her for her birthday. They're such great kids, all three of them. They deserve better than Adrianna.

(Better than Izzie, too).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys enjoyed meeting izzie's family! my poor child, she puts so much pressure on herself : (  
as always, thank you for reading and hit me up @ oswinyoswaldy on twitter/tumblr or leave a comment if you have any thoughts you'd like to share


	3. three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is supposed to be about casey meeting izzie's siblings but it's really just 2.5k words of casey pining over her girlfriend

Izzie's sudden invitation to come over to her house on Saturday definitely took Casey by surprise - especially after how uncomfortable Izzie looked when they talked about it at Casey's front door the other day - but she decided it was best not to question it. 

The day is finally here and she feels weirdly nervous, like this is some sort of test she absolutely must pass. She's heard about Izzie's mom being awful several times, but she knows virtually nothing about her siblings and she's terrified that they're going to hate her. 

She prepares herself as best as she can, stuffing her backpack with every single chocolate bar she could find at the nearest 7-eleven, her Nintendo Switch console and an extra set of controllers, figuring that hopefully she'll be able to buy the kids' affection with candy and video games. That trick definitely used to work on her when she was a kid anyway.

By the time she gets to Izzie's front door she's so anxious she feels like she's about to explode, but her nerves are soothed as soon as she sees her girlfriend. Izzie always looks beautiful, but today she's just off the charts stunning in that effortless way that only she can pull off. She's wearing maroon booty shorts, flip flops and a gray Newton High tank top that was unmistakably stole from Casey's wardrobe. Her hair is pulled up in a loose bun that is already letting some strands escape and her face looks slightly flustered, like she just came back from a run or something. 

Izzie is really into fashion and generally her looks are nothing short of impeccable, so seeing her dressed down like this is a rare opportunity for Casey, an opportunity she treasures very much. Also there's something about her girlfriend wearing her own clothes that just… messes with her. Casey desperately wants to kiss her but she's not sure if she's allowed to, not here. 

"You look hot." Is how Casey greets her, keeping her tone low and careful so no one will be able to hear them. 

"You're so dumb." Izzie giggles, taking a look around inside to make sure the coast is clear before pressing quick peck to Casey's lips. "C'mon in."

Only then Casey notices the mop on her girlfriend's hand, and as she takes a look inside the living room it's clear that it has been freshly cleaned, the wooden floors still shining from being recently wiped. 

"Did you clean up just because I was coming?" She asks, incredulous. "You didn't have to do that!"

"Maybe." Izzie bites her lip timidly. "We don't get a lot of guests here so… I figured I'd spruce the place up a little."

Casey shakes her head gently. "I'm not a guest, Iz, I'm your girlfriend."

"Which makes you a very important guest. Anyway… come on, I want to introduce you to the little demons."

As Izzie pulls her in by the hand, Casey takes a moment to process Izzie's living room and it's… not what she expected. The space itself is neither too big nor too small, fitting a large L-shaped sofa and a wooden dining table for 6 comfortably but not leaving much room for anything else. The furniture doesn't look too old, but it looks poorly kept, like it's not dusted often enough so everything accumulated a thick layer of dirt on its surface. The couch is the most noticeably worn out piece: Casey can see stains, patched up tears and… are those cigarette marks? 

Overall, it's not too different from an average living room, but at the same time it is. It has a bleak feeling to it, something Casey can't quite put her finger on. She thinks it might have something to do with the fact that there are no pictures on the walls, no paintings, no school portraits, no wedding photos, nothing. Feels more like a low-budget hotel lounge than a home of four children. 

Izzie brings her into the kitchen, where she finds Izzie's scrawny male clone sitting in a stool as he eats his breakfast. The resemblance is almost scary, they have the same eyes, the same nose, the same chin… She can only tell their faces apart because his jawline is a bit different, his hair is much shorter and a lot messier, he wears glasses that feel too big for his head and he still has those puffed cheeks that all pre-teens do right before they hit puberty. He stares at her with curiosity as she comes in and for some reason Casey is immediately sure that he knows she and Izzie are more than friends.

"So, this is Billy, the most irritating twelve year old know-it-all you'll ever meet." Izzie ruffles his hair a little bit as she talks and Billy looks very annoyed about it. 

"Hi Billy, I'm Casey." She waves awkwardly, unsure of what to say. That kid isn't even in high school yet but somehow she feels like she's being examined. 

"I know." His lips open up into a teasing grin that also happens to look just like Izzie's. "I heard you're the most a-track-tive girl in her school, in fact."

And, just like that, she feels her cheeks turning bright red yet again. It's been happening more and more often lately. 

Izzie slaps the back of his neck so hard Casey is almost positive she hears bones breaking. "Be nice, Billy!"

"I am being nice!" He rubs the injured spot profusely, looking like he's about to hit Izzie back but giving up last minute. "Anyway, it's nice to meet you, Casey."

"It's nice to meet you too!" Her reply is genuine even though she still feels like she's under a microscope. Izzie doesn't talk much about her siblings, so really all Casey knew up to this point is that there were sisters and a brother, one of which was a baby. She's not sure of what exactly she was expecting, but it was definitely not Billy. Weirdly, it's kind of a nice surprise.   
Casey feels something tugging at the hem of her sweatshirt, and she looks down to find a tiny first grader looking at her eagerly. "Hi! I'm Angie!"

Angie doesn't look as much like her older siblings, Casey can definitely see some resemblance on the eyes but that's about it. Her hair is a few shades lighter and lacks Izzie and Billy's soft waves, her nose is small and pointed and her cheeks are higher and fuller. She's absolutely adorable. 

"Hey there, Angie!" Casey tries to replicate the child's enthusiasm. "What's up?"

"I'm super excited to meet you!" Angie looks positively over the moon. "Izzie never has friends over. Can you braid my hair?"

"I sure can!"

"Great! I'll go get a hairbrush and some pins!"

Angie strolls away to the living room just as fast as she came in, leaving Casey wondering how the hell does her girlfriend handle that level of energy on a daily basis. 

She turns her attention back to Izzie, who's currently shooting her a doubtful look. "Do you even know how to braid hair?" 

"Of course I do!" Casey catches Izzie narrowing her eyes at her and feels compelled to tell the truth. "Okay, maybe I don't, but your sister is too precious to be disappointed. Besides, how hard can it be, right?"

"God, you're dumb." Izzie grabs Casey's hand again, affectionately rubbing her girlfriend's palm with her thumb as she rolls her eyes. "C'mon, I'll show you."

. . . 

It turns out braiding hair can actually be very hard and is definitely not one of Casey's strong suits, but luckily Izzie's there to guide her and she finally manages to give Angie a proper braid. 

(On her third try, but it's the thought that counts and Angie doesn't seem bothered).

The rest of their day goes by smoothly and Casey wonders why Izzie never let them do this sooner. Angie loved her right from the get-go, she's the kind of kid that gets attached to whatever grown up gives her any attention and Casey couldn't be more thankful for it. Charlie naps for most of the time, but on her rare waking moments she seems to find Casey's peekaboo technique hilarious. Billy was the hardest one to win over, but they team up against Izzie and Angie on Mario Party and bond over their mutual desire to make Izzie lose at all costs. 

(They even do that Mario Kart rematch and she's sad to find that both Izzie and Billy beat her this time. She really needs to work on her drifting skills). 

The best part is that sometimes she catches Izzie watching her as she hangs out with her siblings and Casey can tell how happy it makes her girlfriend feel. She feels that way when she sees Izzie and Sam getting along as well. There's nothing nicer than having the people you love all in one place, loving each other. 

It's almost dark out when they finally have a moment alone together, leaving Billy and Angie on the living room couch watching Toy Story 4 and going up to Izzie's room so they can have some privacy - with big emphasis on the some because of the sleeping baby - but at least they can talk freely.

Izzie's room is...cramped. Mostly because it's not just her room, it's literally everyone's room. There's a bunk bed on one side, a single twin bed on the other and Charlie's crib between them. The walls are completely covered in crayon drawings, faded out posters and magazine cut outs. A large pile of toys stands next to the single bed, and Casey can see glimpses of even more toys spread around here and there. 

They lie together on Izzie's bed - the bottom bunk - both exhausted from a long day of babysitting. Izzie places her head on Casey's chest and throws one of her legs over Casey's knees, wrapping herself around her girlfriend as if she were a full body pillow. Casey strokes her hair, wishing they could stay like this forever. 

"So… I had a really nice day today." She breathes out, feeling so tired but also so...content. 

"You did? Really?"

Izzie's eyes shine as she lifts up her head to look at her girlfriend and there is that stupid I love you stuck on Casey's throat once again. She feels it so strongly but still can't say it, and she doesn't even know why. 

"Yeah, I..." Is all that she manages to get out. "I really like your siblings. They're cool."

"They're literal monsters most of the time." Izzie corrects her. "But they're good kids, deep down. I'm glad you like them."

"I'll be honest with you, for a second there I thought Billy hated me. But we're alright now. I think."

"Hate you?" Izzie's soft laugh is the absolute cutest thing Casey has ever seen. "No way, he was probably just jealous. He's not used to sharing me."

"Did he hate Nate too?" Casey isn't sure of why she mentions him. Nate definitely isn't a subject either of them enjoy discussing. 

Izzie seems unphased, though. "Nate? Nah. Billy knew Nate was never really that important to me anyway."

The implication that Billy thinks Casey is that important to Izzie is right there, and it sends butterflies flying through her insides. It's an irrational reaction, really. Casey knows she's important to Izzie, she's known that even before they first started dating. But still... she'll never get tired of hearing it, especially if it comes from someone who has known Izzie her entire life, someone who knows parts of Izzie that Casey doesn't know. 

(God, she's so in love it's ridiculous).

There is one thing bothering Casey, though. She doesn't bring it up at first because she doesn't want to potentially ruin the moment, but the longer they lie down together in silence the more it eats away at her. 

"So..." She starts. "How come your mom never popped up?"

She feels Izzie's body tensing up against hers and she immediately regrets asking. Why can't Casey just leave these things alone? She really is turning into Elsa.

"She's out with her boyfriend doing god knows what.” Izzie settles her head back onto Casey’s chest, facing downwards so she can avoid her girlfriend’s gaze entirely. “She’s usually never around on Saturdays.” 

“Is that why you wanted me to come today?” 

“Maybe.” Izzie still won’t look at her. “Is that a bad thing?”

“Of course not!” Casey tightens her grip around her girlfriend, gently lifting up Izzie’s face by the chin so she can press a quick kiss to her lips. “There’s no rush, Iz, I promise. For now I’m just really glad you invited me over. Your siblings are awesome.”

"Yeah, they are..." Finally, Izzie relaxes, her brokenhearted look quickly replaced with a teasing fire that seems much more like the girl Casey is used to. She shifts on the bed, moving her legs so that she's practically straddling Casey's hips. "You know… I think you and I make a pretty good team."

"Iz..." Casey feels very uneasy about the literal baby in the room and the fact that any of Izzie's other siblings could barge in at any moment, but her hands still instinctively grip the sides of her girlfriend's thighs. "What about Charlie?"

"What? She's asleep!" Izzie shrugs, shooting Casey a mischievous grin that sends her blood rushing through her veins. "We're not doing anything creepy, Newton, we can just make out a little. Charlie has probably seen much worse." 

Casey isn't entirely convinced, but when Izzie is sitting on top of her while looking at her like that it's not like she's got much of a choice anyway. Her hands ride up to her girlfriend's waist, pulling her down for a fiery kiss that ends much too soon, broken apart by Charlie's sudden cries.

"Shit, she woke up." Izzie jumps off the bed immediately, taking her sister from her crib and cradling her gently. She sings as she calms the baby down, a soft-sounding lullaby in some foreign language Casey doesn’t recognize. Charlie settles almost immediately as Izzie rocks her back and forth, comforted by the motion and the sound of her sister’s voice. 

It’s insane how quickly Izzie transforms. She looks much older now than she did on Casey’s lap 30 seconds ago. Wiser. Tired. It’s a side of her girlfriend that Casey had never seen before. It’s clear that Izzie feels responsible for these kids, even if they weren’t really supposed to be her responsibility. And they look up to her almost like a parent, especially the little ones. 

Casey had always known her girlfriend is strong, but watching her now… She’s incredible. Yet, at the same time, she shouldn’t have to be. 

“You’re kind of amazing, you know that?” She blurts out without even thinking. 

“Oh, I know.” Izzie teases, and for a fraction of a second Casey can see a glimpse of that sixteen year old she knows in her girlfriend’s smirk. “You’re looking at me all googly-eyed.”

“No, I’m not!” Casey shakes her head vehemently. “I’m just looking at your very cute baby sister. This has nothing to do with you, Isabel.” 

“Well, that’s a relief.” She bites her lip. “I was beginning to think you might have a thing for me, Newton.” 

I love you, you dumbass.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

(It's literally all she can think about but she doesn’t say it).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god casey loves izzie so much it's disgusting
> 
> hope you guys liked the chapter! as always, leave a comment or find me @ oswinyoswaldy on twitter/tumblr if you have any thoughts!


	4. four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: this one contains descriptions of domestic violence and addiction  
please stay safe!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> imma just start by saying that izzie's grandma is one intense old lady

The day before was so unbelievably _ good _ that Izzie is still smiling as she comes over to her grandmother's for Sunday brunch. Seeing Casey getting along so well with the most important people in her life helped her let go of a weight she didn't even know she was carrying. Sure, Angie and Charlie are easy to befriend, but even _ Billy _ loved Casey - and he's always been a bit possessive when it comes to Izzie. 

In fact, spending time with Casey and the kids put her on such a good mood that Izzie was almost not angry at her mom when she once again did not bother to come home. Well, at least she sent a text letting Izzie know she was alright this time. For once, Izzie doesn't have to worry that her mother is lying dead in a ditch somewhere. Awesome.

(Okay, maybe she is _ a little _ angry, but not as angry as she usually is).

Her grandmother, of course, picks up on this sudden change to Izzie's demeanor. 

"So, dear..." She starts as soon she makes sure that Billy and Angie are too focused on the TV to hear them. "You seem different today. Lighter."

Izzie generally would deflect these kinds of comments, but this time her efforts are so half-hearted that she has to take a large sip of her tea to shield her grin. "Yeah, I… I had a nice day yesterday. That's all."

Gran gives her that _ knowing _ look, the very same look that Billy inherited, and Izzie suddenly feels like she's got all of her secrets written all over her face. Her grandmother isn't as perceptive as she used to be - the woman is 84 years old, after all - but whenever she does pick up on something, there's nothing in the entire planet that will make her let it go. 

"Isabel, I may be old but I wasn't born yesterday." She jokes. "I even heard you giggling earlier today_ . _ You are many things, darling, but you're definitely not a _ giggler _. Somebody has you all twisted up inside, I can tell."

"Alright, alright..." Izzie does her best to avoid eye contact, but it's useless. Gran sees right through her, she always does. "There _ is _ someone. Someone I really care about."

"Clearly." Gran straightens her glasses, looking at her expectantly. "So are you going to tell me her name or what?"

Izzie _ literally _ spills her tea all over the table, soaking up her pants and making a complete mess out of her grandmother's table linen. 

"What?! How did you..." Her eyes almost immediately dart to Billy, and she is ready to choke that little blabbermouth to death whenever she gets the chance but Gran picks up on that too. 

"Oh, don't worry, your brother didn't say anything." 

Izzie isn't entirely convinced. "Then how the hell did you know?"

"Watch your language there, young lady." Her grandmother scolds her, but she wears that crooked grin of hers that always makes Izzie feel it's more of a joke than a real reprimand. "Isabel, I've known you your whole life. When you were 4 you used to go _ on and on _ about how you wanted to marry Mulan. Also, there was that vampire girl from when you were 11, what was her name again?"

"Bella." Izzie huffs. Was she really that obvious? She never felt it was obvious. In fact, she had been able to bury those feelings down so deep she even convinced _ herself _ that they didn't exist until Casey came along. But then again, Gran has always been the best at reading people. 

"Yes, _ Bella _ . I remember you used to cut her pretty boyfriend out of all your posters..." Izzie had never really thought about it that way, but it does sound like a pretty clear warning sign now. "You've always had a strong personality, Isabel, ever since you were little. You are who you are, no matter what everyone else tells you. That's why you're my favorite... But _ don't _ tell the others I said that."

"Oh, I'm definitely telling Billy you said that." Izzie teases, getting up from her chair to wrap her arms around her grandmother tightly. She'd always known that Gran would react well to her and Casey - Gran never cared about these things. She admires a person's willpower, their ambition, their focus, never mind what they look like or who they fall for. She has always been Izzie's role model. "Thanks, Gran."

(And she'll never quite understand how such a spectacular woman gave birth to the close-minded idiot Izzie gets to call a mother). 

"There's nothing to thank me for, dear." Gran pinches her cheeks affectionately. "... but you still haven't told me the lucky girl's _ name _."

"It's _ Casey _." Izzie can't help the way her voice softens whenever she says her girlfriend's name. "And she's… wonderful. In every possible way."

Gran, as always, doesn't beat around the bush when she's about to ask big questions. "Do you love her?"

"I do." The answer comes naturally to Izzie, even though she actually hadn't thought of it in a while. Her mind has been so full with so many things lately that at some point her feelings for Casey turned into love and she didn't even register it. "A lot."

"And she loves you?"

"I think so." 

(She hopes so). 

"Good." Her grandmother's face sours, and Izzie knows she's exactly what she's about to say before she even starts. "I'm guessing Adrianna doesn't know about this yet."

Why must everybody bring up her mother whenever she's having a nice moment? 

Izzie feels her jaw clenching, her tone noticeably colder as she speaks. "She doesn't, and I'd like to keep it that way."

"As you should. For your own good." Gran's eyes dart to the nearby window, avoiding Izzie's gaze. Mom is a difficult subject for her, too. "How is she doing, anyway?"

"Terrible." Izzie makes a conscious, draining effort not to fall apart completely at that question. Her nails dig hard into her palms, she takes a long, deep breath and keeps her voice steady. "I haven't seen her awake in _ days _. Her new boyfriend is living with us now, and let's just say he's not a very good influence."

"How are the kids doing?"

"They're hanging on. I think at this point Charlie's used to being passed around, she's happy as long as she's fed regularly. Angie is worried, we told her that mommy is sick and she made her a _ get well soon _ card and everything. Billy… Billy says he's fine, but he's been having nightmares almost every night."

"And you, dear?" Gran reaches for her hand, but still keeps looking away. "How are you holding up?"

(Izzie will _ not _ break down).

"I'm tired." Is all she manages to say. Any more and she'd cry. 

Her grandmother doesn't say anything at first, just tightens her grip on Izzie's hand while looking out pensively. They stay like that for a moment, sitting in silence while the Adrianna-shaped elephant in the room hangs between them.

"There's always room for you guys here, okay? Whenever you need it." Her voice is ridden with guilt. It's clear that Gran wishes she could do more, but she can't. Lively as she may be, she's an 84 year old woman living in a one-bedroom house all by herself. She can't raise three children. Still, she always offers to help. 

"I know, Gran." Izzie looks down at their clenched hands, unsure of what to say. 

"I'm sorry, dear." For a moment she thinks Gran is about to cry, but she stops herself quickly. There's another thing they have in common. "I just...wish I had done things differently." 

Izzie nods politely, but she doesn't share her grandmother's sentiment. She's sick of wishing things could be different. Life just sucks sometimes. It is what it is. 

. . . 

Gran _ insists _ on the kids staying over for the night, and Izzie could really use a break from taking care of everyone else, so she easily complies. Sunday nights are some of the rare occasions in which Casey actually has some decent free time, so Izzie decides to pay her girlfriend a surprise visit. If she's lucky, she'll get there after Mr. and Mrs. Gardner go to sleep and they might even get some _ closed door action _. 

(Not that those usually last very long - Elsa has some sort of sixth sense when it comes to teenagers fooling around under her roof). 

Izzie swings by her own place to grab her school stuff first, and her hopes that maybe her mom and Gavin would still be out are crushed as she reaches her doorway and notices that the living room lights are on. She hears voices coming from inside, some of which Izzie doesn't recognize. Great. They have _ friends _ over. 

It can't possibly be that bad, can it? All she has to do is get inside, grab her backpack and run. She's even willing to leave her uniform behind - she can borrow Casey's spare. It wouldn't take 5 whole minutes and she'd be out of that house and on her way to her girlfriend's home. 

Finally, she silently talks herself into opening the door, and she regrets it on the very _ second _ she realizes what's going on inside. A little voice in the back of her head - one that sounds a _ lot _ like Billy - tells her to forget the backpack, to just turn back while she still has time and run. It's definitely the most reasonable thing she can do right now.

Yet, being reasonable isn't one of Izzie's strong suits, so instead she slams the door open as hard as she can, looking directly at Adrianna as she screams. "What the _ fuck _ is going on in my house?!"

Adrianna, of course, doesn't say anything, just stares at her with that cowardly look as she desperately gathers her things from the dinner table, trying to hide what Izzie unfortunately has already seen: sizeable bags of light colored powder - cocaine? Heroin? Who knows. Who cares. It's drugs and they're on the goddamn dinner table where she feeds her six year old sister. 

Gavin's buddies are out the door the second they realize they've been caught, which really goes to show what losers they all are. What kind of drug dealers are afraid of angry 16 year old girls? Probably not very good ones, but Izzie's not about to complain about that. She just wishes Gavin would've left, too, but he stays and by the look on his face she can tell he's _ pissed _. 

Izzie doesn't care. If the kids were here she'd probably try to hold back but she's been bottling too much up ever since that idiot moved in and this is the last _ fucking _ straw. She comes further inside, watching as her mother seems smaller and smaller as she steps closer. 

"What the fuck are you thinking, mom?!" There are tears in Izzie's eyes but she barely register them coming out. "You have little kids who live here, mom, do you even remember them? Or are you too high?"

She's now close enough to slap Adrianna if she wants to, but she doesn't. She just clenches her jaw tightly and holds her mother's gaze, trying to find some sort of consciousness in the other woman's glassy eyes. She finds nothing. It's like there's barely anybody in there, and it only makes Izzie angrier. 

"Answer me, mom!" She insists, hoping that maybe if she screams at the very top of her lungs, her voice will reach her mother in whatever dark corner of her mind she's hiding in. "Do you even care about Charlie? Angie? Billy?! Me?!"

Adrianna blinks hard and Izzie is glad to _ finally _ get some sort of reaction, but that's when Gavin decides it's time to step in. 

"Don't you talk to your mother like that, young lady!" His thick accent is slurred out by whatever substance he has in his system, making it hard for Izzie to even understand what he's saying. "Show some respect!"

"Stay out of this, Gavin." She doesn't even bother to look at him, eyes still fixed on her mother's. "Go back to whatever hole you crawled out of and leave us alone."

"What the hell did you just say to me?" He raises his voice, grabbing Izzie by her arm and forcing her to face him. She pulls herself out of his grip immediately, rubbing hard at the spot of skin he touched as if she could physically scrape him off her body. He stands tall, mere inches away from her, looking furious and absolutely unhinged and Izzie knows she should be scared but she's not. 

She's not afraid of him. She's not afraid of _ anybody _ . She holds his gaze with her head held high and keeps her tone as cold and incisive as she can as she tells him off once again. "I said _ get out of my house _."

"Isabel..." It's not much of a speech, but at least her mother has finally remembered how to use words. Her voice is foggy but the concern behind it is clear: she's pleading for Izzie to back off, just like she used to when Izzie would stand too close to the upstairs window when she was little. "Stop. Please."

If anything, her mother's appeals only feed the fire that has been burning in Izzie's heart for _ months _. She turns her attention back to Gavin and repeats her orders, this time even louder. "Get! The! Fuck! Out!"

Gavin looks at Adrianna, clearly expecting her to back him up, but she doesn't. She just keeps staring at her daughter, parallized by the fear of what may come next. Finally, Gavin realizes he's no longer wanted, and he doesn't take it very well. 

"You know what? Fine, I'm leaving." He staggers towards the couch to get his things, flipping over the nearby coffee table along with everything that was on top of it on his way. He points at Adrianna. "You'll be calling me in no time, I know it, you always do. And you..." He turns around to face Izzie. "You little brat… You're gonna regret this." 

He's almost at the door and Izzie thinks this whole show might be over until Gavin's eyes spot something he can channel his anger into wrecking: Izzie's mint-colored backpack, which apparently she had forgotten to take up to her room the day before. 

Gavin rips the bag open - ruining its zipper in the process - and begins to take all of Izzie's things out, item by item, and smashing them into the nearest walls. Izzie has seen him throwing this kind of fit before and she knows she shouldn't come closer but once again she just can't manage to _ care. _

"Stop!" She screams as his hands find her laptop - the one thing in that backpack she _ really _ can't afford to lose - but this, of course, only makes it all the more delicious for Gavin to destroy. He takes it out of the bag slowly, admiring the metal piece in his hand for a moment before blasting it against the ground.

Izzie is shouting - she's not sure of what exactly she's even saying but it's probably _ ugly _ \- and she thinks she hears her mother's faint screams in the background as well, but once again all this mayhem only fuels Gavin's need to _ break things _: Izzie's make up bag, her sunglasses, her notebooks, all find themselves crushed by Gavin's ire and Izzie can't just stand there and watch it any longer. 

She rushes forward, looking for an opening to pry her backpack away from that moron's filthy little hands, but before she reaches him she hears a loud _ thud _ and for a moment everything goes dark.

(In Gavin's defense, he probably really _ was _ just aiming for the wall). 

(But he missed).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... this one is a hard one ://
> 
> anyway, i hope you guys enjoyed it. as always, leave a comment or find me @ oswinyoswaldy on twitter/tumblr if you have any thoughts!


	5. five

Izzie isn't at Monday morning practice and Casey worries. Her girlfriend hardly ever misses practice, and when she does she _ always _ texts ahead to let Casey know. Their messaging app says that Izzie was last seen at about 8p.m the day before, which is way too early for her to be sleeping. Casey tried to text her to make sure everything is okay, but got no response. 

She tries not to obsess over it, tries to focus on the track ahead of her, but it's impossible. Whenever she has something on her mind she feels like her feet just don't quite move in the way she's telling them too, and her performance always suffers. 

"Where's your head at, Gardner?" Coach Crowley asks her as soon as she's back from her _ not so great _ sprint. "It's clearly not here with us."

Casey looks around to make sure no one can hear them before replying. "It's… Izzie."

"You guys having… relationship trouble?" It's clear that Coach feels _ very awkward _to bring this up but she makes the effort anyway and Casey thinks it's kind of cute. 

"No, I, uh… I don't think so." They're not, are they? They had such a nice day Saturday. They were fine. Weren't they? "I'm just worried about her. She usually lets me know when she's not coming."

"Look, I know that Izzie's family situation is complicated so I get where you're coming from, but..." She places her hand on Casey's shoulder reassuringly. "Don't you think you're being a little overprotective? Izzie is a very hardworking girl but she's still a teenager and it's 6:30 a.m. She probably just slept in."

What Coach Crowley doesn't get is that sleeping in goes against Izzie's very nature. Casey has never met anyone so _ driven _, and it's one of the things she loves most about her girlfriend. Izzie has her priorities straight at all times, and - unlike Casey - she never lets her feelings get in the way of her goals. Izzie doesn't just skip practice because she's not feeling like it. If she's not here, it's probably because something happened.

(And Casey can't shake the feeling that it's something _ bad _). 

Her anxiety only grows stronger as the day goes by and there's still no sign of Izzie. She tries her best to pay attention to her classes, but she can't stop herself from constantly looking at her phone to check if her girlfriend texted her back. 

While she waits, Casey's mind keeps going to the darkest places and it eats away at her insides. It's even worse now that she actually knows the kids - the idea that something might be wrong with any of them is just too much for her to stomach. It's strange, she met them literally two days ago but she already feels protective over them. 

(They're important to Izzie, and Izzie is important to her). 

She's halfway through third period biology, checking her phone for what must be the millionth time when she notices a strange notification. Apparently, instagram user _ thebilly2007 _ is requesting to follow her. She recognizes Izzie's little brother on the profile picture and accepts the request promptly, trying - and failing - not to read too much into it. 

All of her worries are confirmed seconds later, when she gets a couple of new messages on her Instagram inbox.

_ hey casey, it's billy _

_ did iz come over to ur place last night? _

And, just like that, Casey feels like she can't breathe. Izzie_ did not _ come over to her place last night, she apparently didn't sleep at home either and she's currently not in school, so where the hell is she? What the hell happened?

The second the bell rings Casey is out the door, searching for the one person who might know how to help her. Obnoxious as he may be, Nate did date Izzie for over a year and he knows her _ very _ well. Casey wouldn't usually admit to this - the very idea of that jerkface touching her girlfriend makes her want to barf - but she's desperate and she doesn't know who else to go to. 

She finds him near his locker, making flirtatious conversation with some poor freshman who definitely doesn't know what she's getting into. Casey ignores her completely, pulling onto Nate's jacket to get his attention.

"I need your help." She states blankly. "It's about Izzie."

"So?" He doesn't look too thrilled. "She's _ your _ problem now, not mine."

When Nate found out about Izzie and Casey's relationship, he did _ not _ take it very well. The idea that his ex-girlfriend left him for another girl and possibly was never really into men in the first place was too hard of a blow to his ego. 

He mostly played nice when there were other people around - Clayton has a very strict anti-homophobia policy - but whenever he got a moment alone with Casey he'd make sure to tell her that _ Izzie isn't really a lesbian _ , that _ this is all just another phase _ and _ she'll eventually figure it out and forget all about you _. Casey hates him, possibly more than she has ever hated anybody. But he does care about Izzie and right now she needs to use that. 

"I think she's in real trouble." She pleads. "Her little brother texted me, she didn't come home last night."

Nate looks like he's about to protest, but his eyes soften at the mention of Izzie's family. "Okay, look… I know where she might be, but I can't guarantee it."

"Where?" Casey doesn't even try to hide her desperation. 

"My folks have this guest house a couple of towns over that no one ever uses. When we were together I gave her a key so she could crash there whenever she needed to get away, she never gave it back."

Casey cannot imagine why Izzie would go to Nate's stupid _ guest house _ instead of just calling her own goddamn girlfriend, but this is the only lead she has so far and she can't sit still any longer. "Text me the address, please, I'll go check it out."

"Wait, now?" He blinks at her, confused. "It's not even lunch time yet, we have class!"

(Casey seriously could not care less).

. . .

It's a long drive to Nate's guest house, and Casey has to make a conscious effort not to let her anxiety make her go too fast and end up with a speeding ticket. She hears her phone ringing incessantly - her parents, probably wanting to know why she's not in school. She'll explain it all to them later. 

She finally reaches her destination - a bland, fancy-looking house in a neighborhood full of bland, fancy-looking houses. She's about to knock on the front door when she realizes there's a home intercom system in place, so she rings that instead. Casey waits for a long moment, trying to hear _ anything _ coming from behind the door but getting nothing but silence. 

She's about to give up and leave when somebody finally picks up. 

"Nate?" The voice from the intercom is quiet and shaky, but it's still unmistakably Izzie's. 

"No, uh..." Casey's heart is racing and she feels like she can finally breathe again, relieved. Izzie is here. She found her. "It's me. Casey."

Once again, Casey expects a response but there's only silence. She doesn't want to be pushy, but she's worried sick and she _ really _ needs to make sure that her girlfriend is okay, so she rings on the intercom once again. 

"Iz, let me in." She pleads. "Please."

Casey hears static - the sound of someone hanging up - and she's considering ringing for the third time when the door finally opens and all of the sudden Izzie is there, wrapping herself around her girlfriend tightly and burying her face deep into her shoulder. She's crying, _ sobbing _, and Casey just holds her, concerned and confused. 

"You should be in school." Is the first thing Izzie says, her voice muffled by Casey's hoodie. 

"I know, but I was worried about you." She presses her lips to the top of her girlfriend's head, still unsure of what exactly is going on but feeling immensely grateful to have her in her arms again. 

"Well, I'm fine." Izzie states in a shaky breath that makes it clear that she's anything but _ fine _. Casey tries to pull back so she can actually look at her, but Izzie strengthens her grip around her girlfriend's waist, keeping herself in place. 

"Just tell me what happened, babe." Casey insists. "I can help. Just let me help."

"I don't think you can, Case."

Finally, Izzie pulls away, letting Casey see the large bruise that runs up from her right cheekbone all the way to her forehead. One of her eyes is nearly swollen shut, the other is just reddish and puffy from crying.

Casey's stomach falls to the ground, her breath gets caught in her throat and she feels a surge of concern mixed with rage that she doesn't think she had ever felt before. It's the way she used to feel when bullies would pick on Sam, except it's worse. No one had ever _ hurt _ Sam, not like that. 

"Who did this to you?" She tries to keep her anger off her tone, but doesn't completely succeed. 

Izzie's gaze darts to the ground. "It was an accident, okay?"

(It definitely doesn't _ look _ like an accident).

"Why didn't you call me?" Casey still can't understand. "I could've come get you, I could've..."

"I don't know, I..." Izzie grabs both of her girlfriend's hands, trying to stop her from spiraling. "I didn't want to get you caught up in my mess again."

"What? That's crazy!" She makes an effort to focus on Izzie's eyes instead of the bruise, but it's impossible. "I'm your girlfriend, looking out for you is like _ my job _."

"No, it's not." Izzie hardens, pulling away from Casey and stepping back into Nate's house. "Your _ job _ is to get good grades and practice hard so you can get into UCLA."

It's insane to Casey that she would even bring that up right now. Who cares about school or college or whatever? Izzie is hurt. The girl Casey _ loves _ is hurt and she's so frustrated that she wasn't there to do anything about it. 

"You're more important than those things." Wasn't that obvious?

"Well, I shouldn't be!" Izzie grabs the front door handle, looking like she's about to shut it in her girlfriend's face. "I can take care of myself, Casey."

They stand at the doorway in complete silence for a moment, studying each other. Casey had never seen Izzie like this, her tough façade seeming more fragile than ever. Her eyes are watery and she's physically _ trembling _, she looks like she's about to crack at any moment and suddenly Casey realizes she's going about this all wrong. 

Izzie looks scared - terrified - and Casey shouldn't be pushing her or barging her with questions, she should be protecting her. She changes her demeanor, letting out a hard breath and promising herself that she'd save her frustration for later. Her anger isn't what Izzie needs right now. 

"I know you can take care of yourself, Iz, but you don't have to." Casey steps forward carefully, trying to reduce the distance between them without being invasive. "Don't shut me out right now. Please."

Casey's words seem to get through to her, and Izzie finally lets her guard down, stepping back into her girlfriend's embrace. "I'm sorry, I… I'm just -"

"You have _ nothing _ to apologize for, okay?" Casey mentally scolds herself for making Izzie feel like that in the first place. "I got you."

"Thank you." Izzie whispers softly, letting herself sob into her girlfriend's hoodie once again. "Thank you for finding me."

"Anytime." Casey holds Izzie _ tightly _, as tight as she can, and it's as much for Izzie's benefit as it's for her own. There are tears in her eyes too, though she does her best to hold them back. Izzie's the one who's hurt, but Casey feels her pain as if it were her own. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god i love overprotective!casey but she can get carried away sometimes
> 
> hope you guys liked this one! as always, leave a comment or find me @ oswinyoswaldy on twitter/tumblr if you have any thoughts


	6. six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this one's kinda bittersweet

The entire drive to Casey's house passes by like a blur. Next thing she knows, Izzie is lying on her girlfriend's bed, her face buried as far deep into the pillow as she can muster without choking.

Casey is there - she hasn't left Izzie's side for a single moment. She's resting her head against Izzie's back, her arms wrapped tightly around Izzie's waist. Thankfully, she didn't ask any more hard questions on their way over, but her body feels tense against Izzie's and it's clear that she's dying to know more. To have someone to blame, someone to throw her frustration into. Casey hates feeling powerless. It's one of the many things they have in common. 

Izzie won't talk about it right now, maybe even not at all. Partly because she doesn't feel like reliving it, but also because she's scared of what Casey might do. After all, the girl does have a knack for occasionally punching people, and Izzie does  _ not _ want her girlfriend's pretty little hands damaged by Gavin's jaw. He's not worth it. 

To be completely honest, the bruise doesn't even bother Izzie that much. Sure, it  _ hurt _ , but it's nothing unmanageable and the bright side is that Gavin ran off the second he realized the book hit Izzie's face, hopefully never to come back. What really gets to her - what really makes her want to disappear into Casey's pillow - is the helplessness of it all. Her face looks hideous, her computer is destroyed, her mother is essentially just a shell of herself, her own home feels like dangerous territory and there's  _ nothing _ she can do about it.

What sucks most is that at some point she genuinely thought things were getting better. That's not really saying much considering how majorly  _ awful  _ things were a year and a half ago, but any improvement is worth celebrating. Izzie was doing well at school, Coach Crowley made her team captain, the kids were mostly alright and, sure, her mom was still causing trouble, but her stunts were significantly less frequent. And on top of that Casey came along, and it all just made Izzie feel… different. Hopeful. 

And now it all came crashing down, just like it always does. 

At this point, she's got no choice but to accept it. Things won't ever get better, not for too long anyway. Her mother will always be her mother, the kids will probably need Izzie for at least another 14 years and her dreams of leaving for LA seem as far-fetched as leaving for the moon. 

"Hey, Iz." Casey's whisper is so soft Izzie can barely hear it through her storm of complicated thoughts. "I need to tell you something."

"Okay, go ahead." She feels her girlfriend's heart  _ racing _ against her back but she doesn't turn around, keeping her head firmly pressed against the pillow. She doesn't want Casey to see her face looking like this. 

"I, uh..." Casey tightens her grip around Izzie's waist, pushing their bodies even closer as she reaches her lips to Izzie's ear. "I love you."

(And then, right in the eye of the massive storm that is Izzie's life, there's  _ this _ ). 

She doesn't let herself get carried away at first, because this is just too  _ good _ she right now she doesn't really know how to handle good. 

"Are you just saying that because you feel bad for me?" Izzie lifts her head just enough to be able to speak, still shielding her face away from her girlfriend's gaze. 

"What? No!" She sounds clearly offended by the suggestion. "It's all I've been able to think about for  _ weeks _ . Every single dumb thing you do my brain just goes into  _ I love you  _ mode, it's embarassing."

"So why are you only saying it now?" Izzie knows there's no reason to be questioning Casey like that, but she can't stop herself. 

"I don't know..." Izzie lifts her head a little bit further up, allowing herself to look at her girlfriend for a moment. Casey seems pensive, her eyes staring at the ceiling above them. Izzie can tell she's nervous, and it's overwhelmingly endearing. "I guess I just never felt it was the right time to say it? I'm not really good at talking about my feelings, you know that."

"And you thought  _ now _ was the right time to say it?" Izzie teases, and it's amazing how her stupid girlfriend always manages to make her feel the tiniest bit better.

"No, I just..." Casey is looking straight at Izzie right now, her anxiousness visibly turning into resolve. "I realized it doesn't really matter when I say it or how I say it, I just need you hear it. I need you to  _ know _ ."

(And now Izzie wants to cry again, but for a completely different reason). 

"I do." She's surprised at how shy see sounds. "And I love you, too."

Izzie can't help but smile as she says it, her own cheeks blushing almost instantly. She feels weirdly childish, kind of like she's a sixteen year old girl saying  _ I love you _ for the first time - which, yeah, is exactly what she is, even though it doesn't feel like it most of the time. It's nice. 

"Are you just saying that because you feel like you have to say it back?" Casey frowns, her tone is shaky but her eyes are glimmering with hope. 

"Nope." Izzie lets out a sheepish laugh. "I'm saying it because it's true."

"Well, that's pretty sick, huh?" Casey gives her the most ridiculous puppy dog look, tugging gently at Izzie's shirt, silently begging for her to come closer. Finally, she complies, because they love each other and right now maybe that's all that matters. 

. . . 

Izzie is not sure of how long they spend lying there together - could be just a few moments but it also could be hours. The silence between them started out comfortable but is now growing louder by the minute. She can tell that Casey doesn't want to push her, not anymore, but it's clear that she's waiting for Izzie to say something, and maybe now that Izzie feels the tiniest bit better she can give her that. 

"It was a book." She's not sure why she starts with that. Maybe there's just no right way to start. "History, I think."

Izzie can feel Casey's breath catching in her throat, but she doesn't say anything, just runs her hands up and down her girlfriend's back soothingly and waits for her to continue. 

" _ Gavin _ was having another one of those angry fits of his, and then he found my backpack and... he decided to tear it apart." This part is a bit harder for her to talk about. "I was… I was kind of out of my mind, too. I was  _ screaming _ at him to get out and I knew that something like this could happen, I..."

"It's not your fault." Casey says it with such certainty that Izzie almost believes her. "None of this is your fault, okay?"

"I know that." She knows that it's not  _ all _ her fault, at least. There's plenty of fault to go around. But she should've done better. She lost control, just like she always does, and now she gets to live with the consequences. "And Gavin's gone, anyway. I don't think he'll ever come back, he's probably terrified that we'll call child services or something like that."

They're silent for a moment, but Izzie knows Casey is about to say something so she waits. 

"Maybe we should, though." Finally, Casey mumbles. Izzie does  _ not _ like where this is going. "Call child services."

"Absolutely not." She shuts down Casey's train of thought immediately. This is  _ exactly _ what she feared would happen. "That would only bring in more chaos and the kids have had enough chaos in their lives, trust me."

Obviously, Casey is not having it. 

"Izzie, you're  _ hurt _ !" She says that last word a bit too loudly, but corrects herself before continuing. "Someone hurt you and we need to do something about it."

"There's nothing to do, Case. Gavin's gone. It won't happen again." Izzie is not sure if she believes that, but she desperately needs Casey to believe it. "I know it's frustrating, but sometimes it's best to just leave things be."

"He can't just get away with this, Iz." Casey shakes her head. "It's not  _ fair _ ."

Of course Casey feels that way, because in Casey's world  _ fair _ is something that exists. In Casey's world, no matter how much they mess up, your parents always have your back. In Casey's world, you have people that will fight for you, that will fight to make things  _ fair _ . Izzie doesn't live in that world. In Izzie's world, she's all alone and this is just another fight she can't possibly win. 

And she's done talking about it, too.

"Promise me." She demands, propping her head up to look at Casey right in the eyes. "Promise me you won't do anything stupid, not without my explicit consent."

Casey bites her lip. "I don't know, Iz, I..."

"Promise me!" Izzie insists, sharpening her eyes at Casey, trying to make her understand that there is no room for discussion. 

"Okay." Casey gives in. "I won't do anything you don't want me to. I promise."

"Good." Finally, Izzie relaxes, resting her head back onto her girlfriend's chest. She feels exhausted and the last thing she wants is to fight with Casey right now. "I know you mean well, I just… I'm sorry I got you caught up in this."

"I love you, Izzie." It's only the second time she says that and Izzie is definitely not used to hearing it yet. "I wanna be there for you, you don't have to apologize for letting me in."

Still, Izzie feels like she does. She promised herself she wouldn't bring her drama into Casey's life again and now look at her. Bruised and teary on Casey's bed in the middle of a school day. 

"So..." As if summoned by Izzie's thoughts, Elsa decides it's time to barge in, slamming Casey's room door wide open. "Which one of you is gonna tell me why the hell you're not in class?"

Izzie grabs for the pillow immediately, trying but failing to hide her face before Casey's mom sees the damage. 

"Go away, Elsa, please!" Casey shouts, but it's too late. 

"Oh my god, I..." She steps closer to the bed, her eyes fixed on Izzie. "Honey, what happened to you?"

Elsa is looking at her with such genuine care and concern that suddenly Izzie feels…  _ small _ . Fragile. She holds Elsa's gaze for a moment, trying to think of something to say, but comes up with nothing. Next thing she knows, Elsa has her arms around her and she's sobbing into her girlfriend's mom's chest, and she's sure she's gonna be majorly embarrassed about this later but she just can't stop herself. 

Casey is there too, hugging them from behind, and at some point she thinks she hears someone shouting something about salmon patties? Maybe she imagines it. She's too busy crying her eyes out right now to make sense out of anything anyway. 

She hears the door open up again, this time revealing a very confused-looking Sam. He sees the three of them hugging on Casey's bed and walks directly towards Izzie.

He scratches the back of his head, clearly unsure of what to say, and offers her the small cardboard box on his hand. "I brought thin mints."

Izzie takes them gladly, biting into the soft candy in between sobs while both Gardner women are still holding her tightly. She expects Sam to leave as soon as he's delivered the mints, but he doesn't. He sits on the edge of the bed and stays with them, and though he doesn't say anything Izzie knows he wants to give her his support too. She's thankful for him. Thankful for all of them. 

(It's tragic, really - this isn't even  _ her _ family - but for the first time in probably forever Izzie finally feels  _ safe _ ). 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as you guys can probably tell, the izzie x gardners dynamic is my favorite
> 
> anyway, hope you enjoyed the update! as always, leave a comment or find me @ oswinyoswaldy via twitter/tumblr if you have any thoughts


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